All posts by Hanju Lee

I don’t know what it was, but there was something very special about her. Maybe it’s the way she smells (like fresh summer flowers), or it was the warmth of her hug that made me feel so safe, or the way she caressed my hair. Maybe it was the way she would put both of her warm hands on my cheek, maybe it was the way she leaned in and kissed my nose. Maybe it was the sound of her voice or the way the smile never left her face. Maybe it was the way she would bring me goodies, and we would walk hand in hand everywhere we went. Maybe it was just ALL of it. I loved my grandma so much. She was everything to me growing up.

When I got older and moved to the US, I got to spend several weeks with her when she visited us from Korea. Those feelings of warmth I felt as a child about my grandma all came back to me. My dad drove all of us around to show her the vastness of the desert beauty of where we lived. She sat in the back seat of our mustang with me, holding hands, of course, and hummed a beautiful tune of something I wasn’t familiar with… all I remember was that she was at peace, she was happy, and she loved me so much. What I didn’t know was that she was suffering pain from the cancer which had spread throughout her body, and that this would be the last time I would see her.

We lived in a small apartment with thin walls, and I would be awakened in the middle of the night by a soft sobbing sound from my mom and dad’s bedroom. It was my mom. I could hear her cry, and she would often call out “umma” in her shaky voice, which means “mama” in Korean. She longed for her. I would lay there with my eyes open, staring at the ceiling, not knowing how to comfort my mom but just wishing that her sadness would subside and she would go to sleep soon. I missed her too, but something tells me that the way my mom loved her was beyond the depth of my comprehension.

We all have a different definition of what the “f” word “family” means to us. Some of us were fortunate enough to equate the word “family” to words like unconditional love, support, guidance, warmth, security… but for some of us, it can be a trigger word that can bring memories of deep pain and wounds… maybe even the other “f” word.

One of the artists I follow, Jackie Liu, stated this about her own childhood: “I always felt a void where family was supposed to be. For years I had no shoulders to cry on, no arms to carry me. Holidays, birthdays, and milestones ached with the absence of celebration. There were no Thanksgiving gatherings, no birthday dinners, no movie marathons, or board game nights. I needed care, nurturing, and safety. I couldn’t find it in my household, so I had to find it elsewhere. I had to forge the genealogy of my own.”

So, this begs the question. What’s the definition of family for you? Some say family is unconditional love (is this even humanly possible?). Some say family is that 3 am phone call. Some say family is foundationally their strongest relationships, family is comfort, family is trust, family is security. It doesn’t have to be biological, and it doesn’t have to be perfect; family is simply the people that you love and those that love you back.

I love my grandma. It’s been 40 years since I last saw her, but I remember her like it was yesterday. She defined what family is for me. Family is holding hands, driving through the vastness of the desert, humming a beautiful tune, at peace, happy, and in love.

Wishing you the best of the holidays surrounded by family. At peace, happy, and in love.

Have you heard of that thought-provoking question people often ask in a “get-to-know” group setting? “What would you do with your life if money wasn’t an issue?” It’s a fair question. It will definitely help you look deep within and even examine your current life status and purpose. This can often lead to asking yourself another question… “Why am I doing what I am doing?”

But, I have a better thought-provoking question for you. But first, a story.

I immigrated to the US when I was 10 years old with my mom, my dad, and my older sister. We were a happy family of 4. My dad is a dreamer and wanted something better for himself and for us. I remember vividly the excitement of this new life. I am also a dreamer, and I’ve always dreamt of experiencing America to the fullest—the richness, the endless opportunities, the gigantic malls, the beautifully developed communities… oh, and Disneyland. I couldn’t wait to go there.

Turns out, the transition to the whole new, unknown world isn’t as easy as it seems. And the dreams that were so visible weren’t as reachable as shown in the movies. In fact, looking back, that very transition became one of the toughest and most painful journeys I’ve experienced in my life. Not only as a kid experiencing rejection and being bullied for the first time at school, but lots were happening at home. There’s an unbearable amount of pressure and burden from my parents. Whether spoken or unspoken… or even sometimes screamed in my face, I soon realized that I carried the hope and the fulfillment of their “dreams” which rested on my tiny little shoulders. Was that even fair?

Looking back, these traumatic years re-shaped my core as a person. I learned to live my life on other people’s terms. They determined my identity. They determined my purpose. They determined my happiness. They determined how I should live my life. I didn’t want that to happen… it just did. What “they” thought of me mattered. It mattered so much.

I heard this quote about 10 years ago that made me think, and it goes like this…

“At 20, you care what everyone is thinking about you. At 40, you don’t give a damn what people are thinking about you. At 60, you realize no one is thinking about you.”

It’s kinda funny, isn’t it? I think there’s some truth to it. In fact, I think I am in the 2nd stage of life where I am learning to care less about what others think about me, and let me tell you, it’s been very freeing. Along the same thought, I heard this quote which I think is so profound and even more freeing in a way.

“What others think about you is none of your business.”

Whoa!!

Don’t get me wrong. This is not a license to be a complete jerk because you don’t care what others think about you anymore, but it’s a way to look deep within and be true to yourself and to rediscover yourself and to be confident in who you are.

So, here’s my second thought-provoking question that you’ve been waiting for. “What would you do with your life if you didn’t care what others thought about you?” If that’s hard to answer, let’s phrase it like this. “What would you do with your life if no matter what you did, others will think the best of you.”

We have work to do. We have our dreams to dream, goals to reach, people to love, purpose to fulfill, lives to live. We don’t have time to waste any of our precious energy being bullied by the naysayers or those critics of you. Because, you know what? What they think of me is none of my business. Carry on.

As I approach an age where I inquire about a separate senior citizen menu at restaurants, I’m searching for heroes in my own age group. What’s the point of having audacious goals if they’re simply physically impossible? For instance, most PGA professionals on tour and the young whipper-snapper high school/college golfers are hitting the ball past 300 yards with swing speeds of 120+ mph. Meanwhile, mine is in the 90s, and I can only manage to drive 230 yards at most. My dream of hitting the ball past 300 yards is long gone. Poof! Gone. It’s never going to happen. It’s physically impossible.

Or is it?

If you’ve been following my series on “Inspiration,” do I have a story for you! In fact, I’ve shared this story many times, and I revisit this video every year. Also, the documentary just came out, and I’ve finished watching it. Something about it pumps me up and makes me say out loud, “I am going to find a way!”

Diana Nyad is an American long-distance swimmer. She gained international fame for her extraordinary achievements in open-water swimming. One of her most notable accomplishments came in 2013 when, at the age of 64 (yes, you heard that right), she became the first human to swim from Cuba to Florida without the aid of a shark cage. To this day, no one else has accomplished this feat.

Her journey to achieve this extraordinary feat was marked by determination and perseverance—no kidding. She attempted the swim multiple times throughout her career, facing challenges such as dangerous sea conditions, jellyfish stings, and extreme exhaustion.

Despite setbacks, she remained committed to her goal and finally succeeded by swimming approximately a 110-mile stretch in about 53 hours. Yes, you heard that right—53 straight hours of swimming in the open sea. Pure determination, pure will, and pure courage!

Her achievement at an age when many consider retiring and ordering from a discounted menu has made her an inspirational figure, showcasing the power of resilience and the human spirit. Diana Nyad’s life story is not only one of athletic triumph but also a testament to the idea that age should not be a barrier to pursuing one’s dreams.

She’s also an incredible communicator and speaker. She has now written a book and continues to inspire many through her words of wisdom. Here are some of my favorite quotes that she lives her life by:

“When you achieve your dreams, it’s not so much about what you get; it’s about who you’ve become in achieving them.” Diana emphasizes the value of the journey, independent of the ultimate outcome. The pursuit of a dream is meaningful in its own right, regardless of whether the final destination is reached. For her, it was extra sweet for reaching the ultimate outcome.

This quote particularly speaks to me: “You can chase your dreams at any age – you are never too old!” Amen to that.

And how about this last quote: “Never, ever give up. Find a way.” This resonates beyond the realm of sports and swimming. It’s a reminder that in the pursuit of anything, there will be hurdles. But the key is to remain resilient, resourceful, and persistent. We have to focus, be creative, and be determined until we find a way.

Let’s find a way.

Here’s a TED Talk she did after her incredible feat that I watch every year. I hope you take the time to watch, listen and be inspired.

I grew up in Reno. When you want to travel to Lake Tahoe to witness the breathtaking views of the lake surrounded by snowcapped mountains during the summer or just simply want to take on the black diamond ski slopes during the winter, you fly into Reno. Tahoe is just hop-skip away to the wonders of Lake Tahoe and Reno is the closest city to have an international airport. In fact, as a kid growing up, we consider the ski slopes of Tahoe our own backyard. There’s a Junior Ski program that takes a bus full of kids every Saturday 30 minutes to the closest ski resort to get them started mastering the slopes early in their childhood. Our high school had a downhill ski team that competed against other schools in the county and some went on to become a professional skiers. All that to say, ski culture in Reno is second to none.

So, when I saw the trailer for this Feature Length Documentary called BURIED, based on the 1982 avalanche in Alpine Meadows (ski resort at Tahoe know for incredible summit-to-base groomed grails and panoramic views of Lake Tahoe and the peaks of the Sierra Nevada), I was intrigued and just had to watch it. Here it is…

In 1982, a massive avalanche had crashed into the base area of the ski resort after a four-day storm which had dumped close to eight feet of snow along with 100 mile per hour winds. The resort was closed but a few employees remained at the headquarters. And at 3:45 pm a tidal wave of snow came down and destroyed the building and buried the parking lot killing seven innocent lives. Here’s a crazy part of this story (warning: spoiler alert), one woman named Anna Conrad was found alive after being buried in the snow for a total of five days. She was located by a trained search dog, a German Shepard named Bridget. It took total of 117 hours for her to be found. It was a miracle beyond miracle that she was alive. She had been trapped in the second floor of a three-story ski lift building. She crawled into a space between all debris and a bench, surviving on melted snow.

When asked later while she was waiting to be rescued for 5 days if she ever gave up hope. “No.” She said. “I knew they would come” She never lost hope.

After this traumatic experience, the recovery back to the norm obviously wasn’t easy for her. She was dealing with the loss of her friends and the loss of the love of her life. At the same time, she was also trying to overcome survivor’s guilt of asking why. On top of that, the tough news she was told was that she would have to have her right leg amputated.

As devastating as that new way, this is how she responded. “What happened to me was a fantastic miracle, I can’t believe that I made it. It’s like so many miracles occurred all at once to save me, it’s just…it’s overwhelming. Learning about my leg amputation was very hard at first, but I decided there was no use being depressed, I was going to have to live with it so I might as well accept it.”

In the spirit of our new series “Inspiration”, I wanted to share this incredible survival story of Anna with you. I walked away from this documentary being reminded once again the fragility of life. And beyond that, I was inspired by her never giving up hope through one of the most hopeless circumstances. But most of all, I am inspired by her attitude of gratefulness and putting it all into perspective in the midst of her own painful journey. Her courage to accept, her courage to hope and her courage to live is inspiring. Are you inspired? My question now is how will this change and impact me? How will I learn to accept the things that doesn’t show up in my favor and how will I continue to see the hope and be grateful no matter what the circumstance I am facing? I would love to hear your thoughts.